Regret

I think I had done something bad, very bad.
and when I think more about that, remember the past, I feel I am so disgusting.
I should talk to somebody immediately about this.
It should be stopped before it is late.

Sorry God, I can't be a good kid.

Deadly wanna get my own income

poor me, being a girl that far away from home, live in a rented room alone. House mates are so ignorant.

haaaaaa stop to being so selfish, there are more people outside couldn't get any better than me.

But as a normal human, my consumptive instinct still exist. I cannot deny that, hahahaha

humm, now I deadly want these things to be mine, or to be done.

1. Good score, better than last semester

2. Slim body, huhahahahaha

3. My own vehicle, almost impossible if I beg my daddy to buy me one

4. New cellphone, blackberry onyx 2, or samsung s2, or iphone

5. Tablet PC, of course iPad

6. refrigerator

7. violin, randomly I want to get into music course

8. rice cooker and cooking utensils

9. New shoes for going to campus

10. New high heels/wedges

11. Starbucks tumbler

Dream high, I believe one day I can reach them all! yeaaahhh~

I feel like Alien

I don't know why, but I feel myself like an alien.
Like nobody has the same thought as me (don't count my BF).
Sometimes I wanna go outside the crowd and be alone
But I feel more sad if I am alone.
So I just hang up, striving with everything that contradictory with my mind and perception.

Is it only me or what? why I rarely get people who support and agree with me?
Most people fool me down, if I try to speak up.

What I have to do? I can't be myself.
I should be what they want I am gonna be.

The Late Truth is always so much hurting

it doesn't mean i really want to know about everything everytime

I just want to know whats really in your guts

please not try to not hurt my feeling

coz it will be more hurt if i know it lately

what's actually between us, that makes u don't want to stay clear

only wanna make me happy by acting happy? screw

I prefer hurting honesty, than a sweet lie

tell me whats in your head

tell me whats your problem about me, about us

tell me whats so matter

coz i feel like no one if i should stalk from somewhere/someone

only to know, what's your feeling

who am i to you? a doll? a sister to be taken care?

or only your object to show that you're gentleman?

oh gosh, stop this negative feeling

i think it's better for you not to advice me

you said don't do this and that but you do it

what do you want from me? what do you expect from me?

Bullying in AKPOL?

Have you read TEMPO Magz this week?

I'm sure TEMPO gets more profit this week, as I'm certainly sure most of the buyers are member of IKASTARA (Ikatan Alumni SMA Taruna Nusantara), AKMIL (Indonesian Arm Forces Academy), and AKPOL (Indonesian Police Academy).

WHY? because it contains articles about "BULLYING IN AKPOL"
and why I relate it to IKASTARA? Because one of the victim is the alumnus, my batch friend in ATHENA (17th batch of Taruna Nusantara, we usually name our batch), FEBYA.

Febya got bullied by his senior at about 7 months ago. I've heard the news since he got into the hospital, but I never expect the specific news about why he can be got severe injures will be spread out to the public. The bullying made  he can't control his hip-to-knee body part. The result, that part tends to get tremor all the time. practically, he can't walk.

what are the causes? Expert said it because there's  a kind of injury on Febya's backbone, and it made the nerve system became in trouble so that the nerve cannot control the movement from hip to knee.

and why the injury can be happened? Febya said it because one day he was late for a meeting, and as the "consequences" one of the senior called him, and hit and push him. He fell against the wall and his backbone hit the wall hard.

Now, Febya has been expelled honorably by AKPOL. The reason behind the expel is because AKPOL sees his condition is disable enough to continue his education in AKPOL.

My friend, Febya, is only one exampe of the bullying. I believe there's more in there. The problem is maybe students there cannot (or they're blurred by the indoctrination) differ which is education and which is bullying.

Pardon me, I'm a liberal. I just state my position, that I am not agree with that type of "education". I think there's more ways to educate human to become more humanly.

One day, when I have children, I will make sure their schools provide what-in-my-mind "good education system". I don't want my children suffer things that he doesn't need to.

Lastly, my salute to Febya who brave enough to open this case to the public. I believe there will be a better way for you instead of AKPOL. Be strong.